Transitions in marriage

Factors of why some people don't marry
   1. opportunity doesn't arise
   2. perspective
   3. Must have resources first

Early marital adjustments can be some of the hardest ones in a marriage. You are discovering things about each other you may not have known during the dating phase. You need to learn to share your budget and time equally. You learn to share a bed. You have to learn to make decisions together instead of independently. You need to accept flaws and always be aware of the other person. Another big adjustment early on in marriage can be adding kids into the mix. You need to keep your marriage on top during this phase. If not you could grow apart.
Some reasons why you can grow apart are:
     *birth order
     *sharing resources
     *children are demanding
     *draining of time, money and finances
     *parenting styles are not the same
     *hormones and emotions changing
     *men "think" their wife loves the child more now
     *men think women are not happy with them anymore

Don't make your kids your CHORE kids!!

Preparing for marriage

This week was a great week in class because I am married so it is easy to see where I went wrong or things I didn't do when preparing. I have a great marriage though so even though I didn't follow the "steps" needed, I think I still did alright.

R.A.M.
   Relationship Attachment Model

know-trust-rely-commit-touch
     All of these things need to go at the same pace. You can't have more of one or else it throws things off. In order to develop all aspects of a good relation ship, we must have all things at the same level. Relationships are destiny to fail if one develops much faster then others. In order to have a successful relationship that will lead to a life long marriage, we must follow these and keep them all at the same level.

We also talked about the 3 P's of dating
  *Planned/preside
  *Paid for/provide
  *Paired off/protect


Brother Williams put up a great power point for Take back the date!!
     *I-date buttons
          -I date my wife
          -I date my mom
          -Date me
          -Date me, Please
          -Date me, now
This was funny yet put out a really great point. We get focused on what we are looking for rather than focusing on your own qualities. The more we learn, the more we realize what our Heavenly father has in store for us.

Gender and Family Life

The first question that we were asked in class this week was How does gender influence your family? Next we were asked Why should women and men work primarily together in society vs. men and men or women and women?
There was a quote used by Gloria Steinham and it stated, "We badly need to raise our boys to be more like our girls" Why do you think this is?
                   *assumptions
                             -girls are raised better
                             -all nature (born that way)
                             -girls are better
                             -equality= same or fair
As females we tend to be more expressive, verbal, we use our emotions and landmarks and we are relationship oriented. Men are aggressive, suppression, spatial oriented and task oriented. As men and women is this life, we have different personalities and goals. We fill in each others gaps where needed. Could you imagine if we were all the same?

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

Culture, we tried to describe this during class. The word "culture " is used so often however I am not sure all people understand what it really means. In class we came up with these ideas for how to explain it.

*A way of life
*tradition (inherited, not created)
*values and principles
*norms and behaviors
*social practices

Some of the things that define are culture are:
* Possessions
*appearance
*actions
*education
*jobs
*associates
*activities
*money

It's not the income that makes us rich, its the way you utilize your money. We must work as a couple to get the lifestyle that we want to live.

Family Systems

When we create family rules, we must keep them to 9 or less. Each family system has individual parts and everything we do or say can affect other around us. During class it was explained to us that each family member is like a piece of a zipper and when we make those little connections, we are all one part of the family. In the cycle of the family systems there is what's called circular causality. It's the idea that everything comes with a background. If you break the circular cycle, it can be for the good or for the bad. When one person tries to change, others around you may seem to try and keep you in the cycle. For example adults may resort back to childhood behaviors. My husband was raised in a not so nice childhood. Sometimes when he gets angry at our children I can see his childhood come out in him. He changed his family system for the most part and for that I am proud.

If you know it's a problem, FIX IT before it becomes worse.

Theories

This week we learned about different theories in the family. All of the theories are driven rules.

conflict theory (inequality)
     *mom, dad and the kids get their way
     *one person always gives in
symbolic theory (interactions with others)
     *We learn most of our rules through our symbols
     *What your parents do, you expect from others
exchange theory (you owe me)
     *doesn't always mean selfish
     *suggesting behaviors by explanations
Family systems (intimate group, rules, everyone affects each other)
     *not just one person
     *affects others around you

I learned that my relationships are driven by my feelings of satisfaction and pleasure. Sometimes I have to wonder if I am giving as much as I am getting. The more I learn about family relations, the more I understand my parents and my own parenting.    

Family Trends

This week we had a discussion on Family Trends. It is so easy for me to zone out when talking about this subject because a lot of the discussion tends to be bias opinions and I have a hard time with that. Some of the trends that we talked about were:
          1. Unmarried births
          2. Birth Rates
          3. Delay in having Children
          4. Delayed marriage
          5. Employed moms\
          6. Cohabitation
These are some from the list and to be honest I fall into a few of them. I don't care to explain at this time however a few that I fall into are Cohabitation, Unmarried birth, Delayed marriage and being an employed mom. I know I come from a family that loves me and my siblings no matter the mistakes we make in life and for that I am grateful.